Peace

In a series of articles, I am reflecting on each of the Quaker testimonies, the so-called “SPICES” (Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality, and Stewardship),  and the impact they can make individually and collectively. I turn my attention to “Peace.”

For a few years I served as a mediator for couples going through divorce. My role was to help them agree on essential legal terms of issues including child custody, property division, child support, and alimony. The couples I worked with all had decided that divorce was inevitable, but they desired to settle the issues between them without battling each other in an adversarial court proceeding.

The work was emotional. At times, I would encounter a couple who was having a particularly difficult time focusing on their desired peaceful outcome. They could not remain cordial long enough to agree on even the simplest issues. In these situations I would often call a time out from my role as a legal professional and share a bit of my personal story with them. I shared what I had learned years before from the ending of my own long-term marriage. I would impart the hard-earned wisdom that at some point each person simply must decide to let go of the desire to fight the other. Until each made this decision, they would never come to the end of the seemingly important reasons to fight.

Some people took me up on the advice and did the hard work of letting go. Often they needed therapy to help them through the rocky terrain. Unfortunately, there were others who simply refused and continued to fight over a never-ending series of issues. Those who would not let go ended up hiring litigation attorneys and continued fighting each other for months or years.

Making peace, even if it requires some personal work, and the setting of some healthy relational boundaries, is of course good for our own well-being.

But beyond that, it is the only hope for our fractured and increasingly violent world. Similar to the ways we fan the flames of interpersonal conflict, on a grander scale we, as nations, wage war against one another. Somehow it feels easier to justify escalating violence against a collective enemy than an individual foe if we are offended by their behavior.

I recently read that over 100 million people died around the world in wars during the 20th Century. That number startled me.

Not 10,000 people.

Not 100,000 people.

Not 1,000,000 people.

Not 10,000,000 people.

But 100,000,000 people.

The number is almost beyond a mind’s ability to picture. The suffering it represents is well beyond a soul’s ability to justify.

The Quakers, from whom I am borrowing the values for this series of articles, are known for their pacifism. Many have chosen to be conscientious objectors to war, sometimes serving as medics or in other ways, instead of in combat.

In a recent Quaker Meeting for Worship which took place a few weeks after Russia began its invasion of Ukraine, a life-long Quaker shared his struggle to maintain his commitment to pacifism as he watched innocent Ukrainian children dying, or being displaced in fear from their homes, as a result of the invasion. He shared how his commitment to peace was being challenged by his desire to see retributive justice on the invaders. Tears welled up in his eyes as he allowed himself to feel the struggle. Yet in the end, he concluded, he knew that further violence was not the answer.

I have to admit that in the moment I wondered if his conviction was a bit naïve. I have friends who have served in the armed forces. They have seen first-hand what unchecked human evil can produce. I deeply respect their courageous service. But as I reflected on the reality that 100 million people have died in wars in the past century, I became moved to join in the aspirational conviction that war is not the answer.

I was reminded of the words of one who was dying at the hands of unjust violence who, upon taking notice of the real humanity of his killers, uttered the words “Forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Truly, what hope is there for our world if not for peace?

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.